Lawrence, Kansas – September is the month of Suicide Prevention Awareness, a time of kindness, patience, and spreading hope. This month is to spread awareness to share tools, resources, and support for individuals, family, and friends to talk openly about suicide prevention, recognize signs, and seek help. I want to share this to let everyone know that you are not alone and you are loved.
The Late-Night Call
I will never forget the Easter night. I was at my parents’ house with my boyfriend. We
decided to decorate some eggs and hang out with my family. It was getting late, and we decided
to go home. As we left the house and walking to the car, I looked up at the navy-blue sky, for I
had the weirdest feeling that something was wrong.
We left and on the drive, down we saw ambulances driving up the hill. I remember thinking
of my brother because the ambulance headed to where he lived, but I was thinking that it
was some drunken neighbor that passed out again. I wished it was.
The night was bright from the full moon along with clouds in the dark blue sky. I sat
alone on the edge of our squeaky bed in a deep whim wondering if I should text my older
brother, Jr, a Happy Easter. I already texted my other siblings but with him I suggested to myself,
“Maybe tomorrow I will, I’ll always have every year to say it.” I lay down waiting for my other
half to come to bed. Suddenly, I got a phone call, and I thought to myself, “Why is Mom, calling
me so late?” I picked up the phone and at first, I heard tormenting sobs. I asked, “Mom, why are
you crying, are you ok?” She said, “Jr attempted suicide!” My mind went blank. I heard
her cries trying to tell me to get ready to see him at the hospital. I said ok with numbness in my voice. I quickly hung up the phone, but my emotions started to trickle in slowly. My mind was
trying to understand the situation I was in. Then, anxiety hit me like a tidal wave crashing against
my body. The constant fear of losing my brother kept repeating in my head like an old record
player. I was on my knees crying with all my heart, calling for help.
My boyfriend heard my scream and came up to me along with his older sister asking
what was wrong. I whispered, “My brother harmed himself.” Marques my boyfriend said, “What
do we need to do” in an urgent voice. I responded, “My mother is coming to pick me up to
take me to the hospital.” Alicia, my boyfriend’s sister, said, “Trina get dressed and I will get
your clothes packed. I dressed in a blur and when I finished, I just stood there in the hall as
everyone packed to travel with me. As we left, I waited outside and I have never felt so sick
to my stomach before in my life. My mother drove down to Flagstaff along with my younger
brother, Marques and me. Alicia drove behind us to see if we needed any help. It was the
longest and quietest drive in my life, for I was trying to avoid thinking what if my brother
passed. We finally reached the hospital and as I entered, I saw my father sitting alone. I ran to
him and started to cry. As we all waited, the rest of my family joined us from their long
journey. As my big family of brother, sisters, and uncles, and aunties waited, the nurse
came out asking for the family of Earl Tsinnie Jr. I held my breath for a second, then the
nurse told us he was stable. I felt relieved along with my family. That was the moment in my
life that has forever changed everyone in our family.
This is Trina’s story and many more like it are known across Indian country. If you or someone you know is in need of help. Please dial 988 for the National Suicide and Crisis Hotline.
